• Rita Santos

Project-Purpose of the Child

A company, a house or a book are someone's project, they start as an idea, a need or a wish. So do we. We are our parents' project and respond to their conscious or unconscious ideas, needs and wishes.

A baby has its first impressions of the world through its mother. Her emotions, thoughts, perceptions, hopes and expectations are printed on the new being. The French psychologist Marc Fréchet called it "Project-purpose of the child", in its original form "Projet sens". It's a period of time that goes from 9 months before conception until early childhood, approximately 3 years old. The child will inconsciously adapt to its environment and to the purposes and expectation of its family, mostly its mothers.

There are many reasons that make us want to have a child, whether we are aware of them or not. These are just a few:

  • "I want a girl to take care of me when I'm older"

  • "I want a boy to continue the family name/business"

  • "If I have a baby my husband will stay with me and it will save our marriage"

  • "This child will unite the family"

  • "If I have children I will never be alone, I will always have someone to support me"

Other factors also influence the child and therefore the future adult, its self-worth, self-acceptance and self-esteem.

  • Was I wanted and expected?

  • Was I wished as a boy or as a girl?

  • Is mommy happy about me or is she wondering if she should make an abortion?

  • Does mummy feel daddy as a good protector and provider or does she feel she made the wrong choice for a father?

  • Was my conception perceived as an act of love or as violence?

What starts as a biological survival strategy can become unconscious orders influencing our personality and many of our life choices. In some cases they turn into big limitations and even symptomatology.

Being conscious about our project-purpose allows us to comprehend our life, our choices and to give ourselves permission to leave the comfort zone of our first and deepest beliefs.

Rita Santos

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